i remember vaguely, the first time i saw you.
it wasnt like in the movies, i can assure you. how it was all 'love at first sight' and 'she's the one for me'. all i remember was your smile, your laughter, and the fact that you were so easy to talk to. 

today, i remembered crying in your arms, and hugging you like there was actually an end to Us. i remember opening my eyes to the sparkle reflected from the light onto your ear stud. i remember feeling so down, like i will never be able to bring myself to look at you with even an ounce of dignity left in me. Your eyes pierced through my epicenter, breaking every barrier known to me. I still dont know whether it is a good thing, or bad. Like how i didnt know whether to smile or cry at the fact that you were trying to cheer me up. 

im sorry for you seeing the worst of me. 
im sorry for annoying you.
im sorry for being the insecure me.
im sorry for not being able to understand you.

all i can say is that, i will definitely try, and it's gonna take so much of me to change. i hope you will be patient. 
i love you. with all of my heart. 

We may struggle
We may even very well see hell from the gates
Don’t think that you are alright
Are above making mistakes
Said I’m gonna get on your damn nerves
And you’re gonna make me mad
But I believe we can survive all that
Cause a love is good could never be that bad

 

I have always wanted a pet, to be a vet, a photojournalist for the National Geographic, an event planner, a model, a singer, an actress, a businesswoman, a designer, and a dancer. I have always wanted a tattoo, the guts to take a roller coaster, the courage to speak my mind, the patience to be a role model and the love for a child. I have always wanted to make an impact in a life, fight for someone rather than someone fight my battle, and even then, I want someone who will fight for me, even if I'm in the wrong. I have always wanted to travel the world, experience every inch of the world, while still earning a living and studying at the same time. I have always wanted to fly, and dive deep into the oceans, and not be frightened by the World's children. I have always wanted to have enough money to splurge on my loved ones and my loves: shoes, heels, clothes, makeup, gadgets, gizmos, books, houses, animals, people, food. I want to eat all the food I can get my hands on, and still be able to manage a full, toned figure. I have always wanted to be a blushing bride, and a strong-willed independent individual, who still has someone to rely on, and I want to have children to rely on me, and I will do my best to support them, discipline, and pamper my children. I want a blessed retirement and a loving family by my side when I grow old, and I want to die my family and friends loving me, by my side. No regrets at all.

Too many wants huh, yeah, I thought so too. 
With that many thoughts i mind, one lifetime will not be enough to fulfill all my wants. We make do with what we have, and make the most out of our life. 

At this point, I can concentrate on my studies, the people I love, the One I love, and myself. And make the most of the life I have now. 
(:

Once upon a time, there was Candy and Dan
Things were very hot that year
All the wax was melting in the trees
He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy
Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair
Everything was gold

One night the bed caught fire
He was handsome and a very good criminal
We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars
It was the afternoon of extravagant delight

Danny the daredevil
Candy went missing
The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks
I want to try it your way this time
You came into my life really fast and I liked it
We squelched in the mud of our joy
I was wet-thighed with surrender

Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted
This is the business
This, is what we're after
With you inside me comes the hatch of death
And perhaps I'll simply never sleep again
The monster in the pool
We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans
Everywhere I looked
And sometimes I hate you
Friday -- I didn't mean that, mother of the blueness
Angel of the storm
Remember me in my opaqueness
You pointed at the sky, that one called Sirius or dog star, but on here on earth
Fly away sun

Ha ha fucking ha you are so funny Dan
A vase of flowers by the bed
My bare blue knees at dawn

These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too
I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby, he died in the morning
I gave him a name
His name was Thomas
Poor little god
His heart pounds like a voodoo drum
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________


i miss that look of mine, hahah, now apparently, i look like the mad hatter of alice in wonderland huhh.(: anyway, HAPPYHAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SADRINAWESOME. last night was a funfun day, while today was a little more sombre. i was pensive, then happy, then sad, then happy, then disappointed, then sad and now, determined. :D go figure.
i guess megan fox by deepavali plan isnt working out well. and my pass every subject plan didnt work out well either. oh well, at least i got an A for french, of which i am kinda proud of. and very pissed with biochem, ergh. need to take these few days to really gear up to do supp paper, and pass good. 
imma run soon too :/ it's irritating how i keep thinking about running and working out, but never manage to do it, because i didn't feel like moving my megafat ass around, hahah.

oh whatever, hahah. imma start studying tmr. no procrastinating! because i am Super Danya! student by day, and well, student by night :P
anyway, i realised i havent been hanging out with my poly friends at all, or secondary school people like jess and wan yi. we'll see, should meet soon, oh well. 

OHOH. i saw the awesomest jacket at bershka, hahah, it's the kinda of brown that matches my skin tone and doesnt look weird. and it's so niiice, hahhaah. the print on the inside is like freakin awesome :D actually the print from the jacket of the earlier season was nicer, but this one's quite alright too, hahaha.

anyway, i hope you guys have a great weekend, and ill try to blog more often mwahmwah. 
good night, because i wanna sleep.(:

 

ever wondered how people change? for simplicity's sake, let's go straight to the point.

you watch people around you grow, and at times, drift away. and you know there is nothing you can do. you try to grasp at the last morsel of memory that you have with them, and try to keep on to spending time. 

"The people who love are loved. 
And those who don't care are not worth caring for"

where does this line come in? where do we draw a limit in trying to spend time, and in the end, asking why we're even bothering to waste time on our certain someones. This has just been under rationalization in my mind for a little while. 
We  feed our souls with the shadow off love and attention, and when we suddenly are thrown out of our little circles, and routined patterns, we tend to drown. it doesnt matter about what it is, all that matters is that the habit of doing something with someone has been broken. 

oh well, im not emo-ing btw, hahah, and my life is awesome, and i am loving it. this is just something that i have been thinking about lately, and seemed to be needed to be brought up, to get out.

 

i love everything about you, and at this point, im too happy to say anything more. 
academic-wise, i sure can do better, and health-wise too.
but im too happy with you to think much about it. all i think about is you, and how you always seem to be able to make me smile, to make my day.

i think about you, i try to make you happier, and i pray for your well-being.
i love You.

making sense of myself.

i need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and start being more confident.
i live for myself, and no one else.
i should be capable of so much more, and i will prove it to myself.
watch me.
(:
 

 
 
nose has been leaking crazy the whole week, and my voice has been bringing sexy back, though at a severe cost of coughing and pain. i've been studying for term tests, and if i work hard at this pace, ill probably be able to finish up everything and get over the tests., though they probably will not be the best ive done. So, im gonna study during the two weeks too, get me good foundation and also research more on the upcoming topics before i start next term. 

june 8th - YOG Full Day Training.
june 7th to 16th - studydudywudy earlier topics
june 17th to 20th - studydudywudy upcoming topics
june 26th - ACM fieldtrip to godknowswhere

supposed to fix dates with
- fanya
- jannah
- jessica
- wanyi&gang
- smka&gang
- luke&gang
- cherlene

gosh, for that, i really need to save, hahah.
i shall start on mol. at eleven, whooshies and start memorising immuno at one. and i shall try to sleep by midnight. :D
and during the holidays, im going to finally read finish my book from phuket, the dante club. rahh, ive been meaning to finish it quite some time ago, but ah well, soonsoon.
alrighty, i shall go have breakfast and start n my work, goodbye. 

 

im finally using google chrome, i know im not very technosavvy, so yeah. hahah, ANDAND it's got a leopardprint theme(: yayy, dolce and gabbana, im quite happy with it. yesyes, i havent blogged in AGES. caught up and lazy too. heee. 

was gonna write a new poem, like i used to. made me happy. but i dont usually do what i used to these days, so well. somedayy. 
CAKES tomorrow. yayy. (: so anyway, today, mainey just kept trying to throw stuff in my cleavage -_- and used kent's phone to try and take a picture of it. what the crap riiight. grawr, and momo so sweet, bought me fruit tarts, which were awesomepossum <3 i miss shauna.
tomorrow's cat lab, which is a little freaky for me. im not very used to cats, for the one reason that they's quite unpredictable. haha, oh well, see how tmr. 

quite grogged up now, cause i just took my migraine meds, so i shall get some sleep for a little, then do french and biochem, and sleep again. bumbum's rapping on the other line(: 
kayy, shall sleep soon for a bit, whooshies. 

if you see my girl, just tell her i miss her smile

breathe gentle.
i think i just realised that im fighting for myself.  Well, in terms of academics and proving myself right. Before it  was all about how everyone else thought of me, but now. it's way different. Guelph is expensive, and there arent any scholarships that I am eligibe for at all. All I have right now is my studies to bank on to get there. One year and eleven months will fly by real quick, and i know i think too much. but that's just the way i am. all i can do is do my best, all that im capable of. but it scares the crap out of me, thinking about what ifs, and  maybes. it would hurt to find out that my best isnt enough, and what if something goes wrong? i need to stop thinking, about everything. and im going a little crazy with my mind like but whatever.

and the whole smothering effect isnt helping much. i am doing my best, but i want the right to say no. that i cant go out.
not the fact that my friends have to leave before nine, and i cant go out after school on weekdays. restrictions dont go well with me. id rather have the freedom to say no, than have to say no. that's just how i function, and ill have it no other way.

wtv lah, ill just have to deal with myself, and go on.

on a brighter note, IRONMAN2. (: CANT BLOODY WAIT.  hee.

wah, pissedpissedpissed.
im unofficially grounded for no particular reason at all, unless you call mood swings a reason.
voteva. grawr.

it's okay, i still got honey stars and monstars to cheer me up, so yayy to that. FPATH was weird, everything's too cyber-this and e-that. i need direct human contact to learn, and i dont think all this e-learning is a good idea at all. Call me old-fashioned, but i dont like the idea much. i just finished filing all my nonsense, and im like so pumped up to start doing work properly, so yeah.

internet connection's wonky, so i dont really know whether it's a good idea to start the FPATH e-test. wanna get it over and done with, hm. see how later. shall do the biochem tutorial, and figure out the FPATH assignment properly.

blah, kay, byebye.

i wouldnt know how to explain anything at all right now.
and even if i knew how to, i wouldnt.
so ill leave it be. just because.

Rule Number 2
Don't be a fool

Rule Number 3
Get up off your knees

Rule Number 4
Open your door

Rule Number 5
Keep it alive

Rule Number 6
Don't be pricks

And Rule Number 8
Don't leave it too late

Rule Number 9
Just take your time

Rule Number 1
Carpe Diem

Time doesnt do me justice these days,  seems like everything's going very quickly for me. too quick though, that i cant catch myself wihle everything's a whirlwind around me. havent blogged for like longlong.  ive finally got the time to it slow down, watch teevee and and get more music. and writewritewrite. such a long time since ive written, so yeah.
ive this thing bout horses these days, reading up and all. im gonna own a horse one day. a bay, probably.

HAPPYHAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAFFYWAFFY. (((: gosh, we're both eighteen already, now that's two more to go, heh. sards and shakywaky. whoosh.

watching benjamin button now, i like the guy whose been struck by lightning seven times, he's so randomrandombobandom. hm, my migraines have been getting worse and worse, ive got to go get my meds from the docs soon. once i get more time.
somehow, i like this point in mylife right now. well, sorta. work takes up my time, so i dont have to think about everything and anything. which somehow feels great to me. so whoopdedoo to that.

i feel like getting kneehigh boots, and proper shoes, and a camera. i think kneehigh boots will be superduper cool, haha. hmm, wtv lah. i just feel numb. but happynumb? hahah, like im not going to complain about anything, nor can i be happy about anything, haha. so it's sorta like im constantly feelingless? hahah, grawr, i dunno alrd. whoosh.

went to bliss this evening with grams and my mum, dad and sarvin. it was fun, we had a good talk, i havent seen my gramma in such a long time that it seemed sort of like a relief to see her. everyone in the family is so caught up with issues, and id prefer to not be involved in their problems and arguments. wtv lah. heh. i dont really care much anymore, so yeah.

oh well. happy burffday dearieee. <33 gnight

i wonder, if by proving someone wrong, do you prove yourself right? it's the only thing that's been on my mind for today, and i have no idea why. well, i do actually. but it's easier to just post a question, than figure a solution.
havent been on lj for such a longlong time. well, feels like a long time. my com is lagging and im annoyed with it, and my head hurts. partially because i  have a migraine, but also because i bumped my head on the top of a cab while getting out. im too tall for my own good, hee.
whatever lah, i kinda have alot to talk about, but ive been too lazy to talk recently. and it wouldnt matter though, cause all that goes through my head is nonsensical stuff, hahah. so it's quite redundant even if i say half the crap that gets processed up there in my head, hee.
so yes, i shall shut up. Gnight.(:
i shall post a longer post soon, once ive got time and something to actually talk about, haha.
nightss.

birthday was freakin awesomeeee. it was perfect and i loved every bit of it.
old music, new music and indian music. drinks and me getting so hgh.  im just glad they didnt video me, hahah. everyone had great fun and im so glad for that. i loved friday through saturday. (: happyhappyhappy. i kind wish i could relive the whole night, hahah.
like i promised, i will take care of ipin and upin and my awesomestawesomest friends. hee.
woke up in the morning with my head spinning like crazy, i drank cold milk. apparently it helps, but it didnt, haha. i just smelled of milk after that. hahah.
blah, head's still a bit grogged up, but i gotta study bmic. crash course today and tmr. cant wait till next friday, exams will be overover (: that means my skin will clear up and i can get wayy more sleep, hee. whoosh. much love yall.

Yellow wilted.
screw that.

too much has happened within the week.
ive lost my Respect for someone ive always depended on. and i wish i hadn't heard it all.
ive distanced away from someone i hoped would change her attitude
ive grown
i miss people
and ive made plans already, though nothing is confirmed.

this may not seem like alot, but oh, it's definitely too much to take in. there's been so many times this week that ive just wanted cry it all out, but i guess im too poofed to do that, and basically, i dont really care for that anymore either.
great memories and bad ones this week, but ah, what the heck. all i can do is rmb the great ones and forget the bad. wish my head was a memory card, then i can delete some stuff, hahah.

i bought myself a sunflower plant today. we named it yellow (: say hello to yellow. whoosh. needed to happy myself, hahah.

   

ignore cong's finger in the first pic, she needs to mind her sign language, heh.
yes, and happyhappy birthday to salehah, smiley girl who loves to laugh at zi gui. and happyy birthday to alicia, nonsenseperson who loves to give me random hugs when im not expecting it form her.
wah, mega pissed with entrep, it's killing me slowly, im so glad it's almost done. it'll be done soon (: tgif yall. blah, atts almost gave me a peck on the cheek today in the lecture theatre, and i got a shock, hahah, super sudden. then he rested his head on cong's shoulder and she was traumatised, hahah.
im gonna shower, clean my room, read death at intervals, take a nap, and then start studying again.
today was a breaky day, so many breaks in between classes. grawr.
and i need to start losing fats again, i look like a whale, blah. wtv lah. i keep saying im gonna do things, and in the end, i dont do them. well, except for studying. i like to study, so that's alright for me.
whoopdedoo to thatt. (: byebye.

ive lost track of  my days, my time. and somehow, something sparked me off to change all of a sudden. but im afraid i dont like who i am now, because this is definitely different. still not sure if this is good or bad. all i know is that nothing is having my attention except for my studies. and ever since, i have grown so goal-driven that it's obvious there's a change. crashslept today, and couldnt sleep after twelve, which is good enough i guess, though in my head, it wasnt enough based on how much ive not slept for the week. but oh well, cant really say anything bout that. 
did bmic today, very productive. auntie niki's over, after like super long. she brought cheeses, and water biscuits, and dip. which was yummy. luke abraham is damn weird, he still fails to realise that im a girl and talk to me like im his bro or something. hahah. got pbl to do tmr. i only crossed off one thing out of my checklist, which is sad. well, at least it's one BIGBIG thing, so yeah. i shall do entrep tonight, and revise my bmic. tmr, i shall do the rest of bmic and aap.
hopefully, on monday, i shall go somewhere good to study, with mo or something. the house isnt helping at all. all i do is stone. not good. grawr. ah well. im balding, my eyelashes are dropping off. sucks.
kay, wtv, im lazy to type all that's been happening, and people dont really wanna know anyway. im fine with being boring. whooshies, byebye.

we dissected a cat today. i had this sick thought that Catwoman's gonna creep in my window in the middle of the night and tell me she hates me. and then she'll rip me to shreds and hang me by my ankles out the 28th floor cause she probably knows im scared of heights. She'll watch me scream and die in fear, cause she'd wanna watch me die a painful death. grawr. well, that's just me, i guess. You're out there, i know it. Please dont do that to me, i love you, Catwoman. hee. Thank you.
mm, loads to do and not enough time, definitely have to find time to catch some z's tmr, or maybe weds. see how.
exam dates are out. i just calculated my expenses for the week, and it seems to be alright. just made a list too, just for tonight. got six things to do by tonight. which gives me not much time, but enough, im guessing. i shall wait for six more mins to start, because i like to start my work at a nice number like 11.30pm. not nice to start at numbers with weird mins. perfectionist?  somewhat, i guess. but it doesnt apply to eveything. ah well, i shall start soon. nights.

i miss the sport, though i was only there for a few months. but ah well. no time anw, and if physicals werent as tiring, id have been able to concentrate in school. grawr, i miss the game.
last night was good. never talked to shar before, her voice very low, heh. i think we had a grudge on the indian waiter, hahah, cause he didnt allow two out of five us to drink, and he still served us all 5 bottles -_- hahah, which was kinda shared btwn two people. shar and nerizza. it was like alot. heh. we had fun talking, and the band was late, but good. hahah, my brother's singing 'one' in the other room too. i told him he sounded like mating cats just for the fun of it. hahaha, and he still can ask me if that was good or bad. HAHA.
kay, i found that quite funny. momma came home at 7.30 in the morning, and i broke her nail. she's pissed. dad came home even later than momma, and they're both like sleeping in now, and i have a feeling that we're not gonna steamboat later. grawr, im kinda excited for that, gonna bring the camera along. but first i have to look for it. oh, and Rex's warranty, grawr. and i need to study for bmic, haha. and do cellb homework, and bmic tutorial. and memorise for aap prac. kay, wtv, got too much to do. byebye. (:

my fault, but i still feel like im in the right.
i know what you're thinking,
you wish i never existed and even if i did, i wasnt this screwed up.
well, i do too.

You'll swoop from incredible highs when you're just glad to be alive,
To those lows when you wish you were dead.
And just when you start thinking that you've accepted who you are, that changes, too.
Because who you are is not permanent.
- Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

havent been myself lately, but i will in time to come. where else can you go when you've reached the bottom but up, right? grades have been wonky and i still havent been able to get my  mind on studying yet, though ive finally known how to study effectively. but what good does it do when you know the How, and don't do it, yknow. but eventually, ill get around to it., most definitely. the circumstances will force me to.
gaining flab at a very rapid pace, and that feels like crap. i guess i dont what to be what i was in lower sec. dont even want to go back to that time. went to the gym this morn, and took one and a half hours to travel to school for a onehour redundant lecture, and took another hour and a half to travel back home. which pissed me off, because. well, just because. prolly gonna go to the gym later anw.
gonna go cut my hair soon.
hm, im just very stoned and reactionless these days, oh well.
ystd was alright fun. met new friends, like i know them, but never talked to them before. rachel lim didnt recognize me, she didnt think i was a prefect. and nerizza's fun to talk to. something funny happened too. like i really didnt like my drink, and i was stoning for a bit. and i suddenly heard a crash. i looked down and the glass broke, heh. azu was tryna swat a fly, and instead pushed the drink over. i was like, it's okay, now i dont have to finish it. and i ordered another one. so, this morning, when i was gonna take out my notes from my bag for lecture, i cut my finger. opened up my bag, and found a really big piece of glass in my bag. apparenlty, it fell in when the glass broke last night, cause my bag was on the floor and open. so yeah, found that a little funny. what made me think was that, i only cut myself this morning, so that means the whole night when i was stuffing my hand in and out  of my bag to take stuff, i missed the glass piece. and the glass piece was really huge. which was weird, oh well.
so yes, that was an alright night.
oh yes, and happyhappy birthday to praneetha.
i shall go do my stuff, quite tuff. kay, that was lame, heh. byebye.

worse than ever.

i am tired, i have no idea why.
i think i just need hugs, and a warm drink.
bleah. bubbye.

so right, my parents dont allow me to buy my fighting fish, grawr, because they're indian. -_- im not being racist here, but really, im not allowed to buy fighting fish because apparently, if i get them, the family will start fighting, and my ifsh will break the family apart. grawr, hahah. that's what happened when i brought tortoises home too. bleah, indian customs, apparently, tortoises are bad luck too. ): oh well, haha, i shall forget about it then. i was so intent on getting a fighting fish, rawr.
so, today, i woke up and did entrep, like finally almost done, whooshies. happyhappy. after this, ill like probably do hpi, wheee.
im waiting for dinner now, hahah. and by that, i mean kfc ddelivery. my family and i are quite an unhealthy bunch, heh, i wont be surprised if im like 80 kilos or something by the end of  the year. i should start running again, my wieght's still the same, but there's a huge change, im wayy flabbier, hahah. oh well.
im gonna be jumpy tmr, bleah. 1) o lvl results 2) aap lab, dog dissection. eughhh.
so yeahh. i wanna be a sloth, i think sid from ice age is super cute, hahah. okay, nevermind.
school starts again tmr, wheee. (:
gdnight.

so my fascination with fighting fish hasnt phased out yet, so yeah. im planning to get a blue one after i move into bishan loft on tuesday. either that, ill go get it tomorrow. whooshies, and i already know what to name it. wheee. can't wait. i just finished taking out a few articles of clothing to throw away, in a very flaccid attempt to satisfy my mum. she smacked me with a hanger, grawr, hahah. it was annoying me, cause she didnt stop. oh well, hahah.
grawr, my ear hurts, i have no idea why. and my migraines are starting again, but it's all goodiegoodgood. wheeee.
got a new free notebook, happyhappy. im ready to use it for my 2010 diary, so yes. i take simple pleasures in things like this, hahah.
omgawd, seriously cant wait to get a fish. ((: kay, i should go do entrep now. that and hpi, whooshies.
g'night.

this looks awesomeee. whooshies, freakin 320 bucks, but i absolutely love the colour, whooshies. today was an awesomepossum day, cant wait for the pics and the vids to come up, i found it hilarious that shaf and i were singing old macdonald and john jacob. yeah, and there was muthu peter, our new eyecandy. heh. oh and HOTHOT ARAB-LOOKING GUY. heee. (: we had funfun at sarpino's and at vivo. great friends and good times, what more can one ask for eh. hahah. had goodgood fun today, as usual, my daily dose of laughter for every week, hahah. but really, it's usually fridays and it never fails to brighten me. what a way to end the week, whooshies. anyhoo, dont buy the barbie egg from candy empire, it's a ripoff, and i think i shall do world issues and hpi tonight, and then go for the projectwork in the morn, and after that, get back home to sleep. i realise that there's not enough time to study, cause eoys are gonna start soon. but ah well, im doing good. awesome actually, because i am DANYAWESOME, student by day and well, student by night. but an awesome one for that matter :P heh. ah well, enough talking right, goodnight.

so i did an experiment with moulds, yet again, hahah. but this one was exceedingly smelly. mo and i were trying not to breathe in the fumes, and i decided it smelled of goat pee, though i dont really know what goat pee smells like. bad, i guess. heh. and i was sterilising the tube with an open flame while talking to mo and i didnt see my tube, and i left it there for wayy too long. the thing melted in and got contaminated quite badly, grawr, like the melted plastic probably got mixed with the broth, and i felt so guilty cause all the results got messed up, bleah. ah well, hahah. TP openhouse started today, people everywhere. there were like cheering all over the place and  they didnt let us walk through without getting cheered at. some business school girl almost came up to and alicia and me thinking that we were not from tp. plus, some guy from year2 vet tech came up to us, inviting us to join vet tech. and i was like -_-. hahah, we are from vet tech. 
tmr, so coolio, we end at one. more time to study, whooshies. (:

okay, so i hurt my arm while getting up today. which was weird, hahah. i watched two groups talk about animal and human research, stress, anger, and laughter. INCONGRUITY has congrui's name in it. and i paid attention for cellb, even though i didnt see the point in the lecturer having to talk about the title slide for twenty mins. it only had two words in it: CELL COMMUNICATION. my row was asleep and the row in front of me too, haha. went to lulu's with maine. her stitches are scary. went back home (lorong gambir) to find out that my mum was talking about the new home (bishan loft), so i had to cab there to watch my momma swim and my dad jog and mujika clean. while i sit listless, without my music. hahah, my earpiece broke. grawrrr. -_- hahah, i think my parents got tired of me because i couldnt stop talking. hee. i tire them out quite easily, bleah. hahah. kayy, aap test tmr on urinary system. i shall study, because im a goodiegoodgood girl. (: good night.

can you tell? im love with GAP commercials. hahha.
charmaine wu made me day today (: love you awesomepossum.

lion king rocks socks.

happy new year yall.
the year has been eventful, with mostly its ups, and its downs.
it's definitely been a good year, ive learnt alot.
here's giving thanks to friends and family, because though ive always said this so many times that's it's probably ingrained in your heads, there's always a right time to say that i treasure yall and love you guys ohsoverymuchos.
(: smilesmile.

much love.

im getting on with everything, like finally. and it's just a whoosh of relief for me. though issues are not solved, im just getting over them. and im starting anew. that means school and other stuff. it's another reason to prove myself, and not others. which is something i never had the guts to do. 
so yeah. getting over everything tmr and finally, finally starting over the day after.
2010.

merry christmas, merry christmas.
christmas eve was awesome. finally got rid of that layer of insulation of my body, waxing helps me loads, hahah. with my tamil esp. :D i feel so learned after going for a wax. haha. hung out with sards and azu for a bit, that was funfun. and donovan too. watched nyp dance, which was awesomepossum. then had prata with shaf and sards, and we played sparklers under 123, so superduper funfun. reached home at one. that was when the fun ended, a bit. but it's all goodiegoodgood.
today, supposed to hang out with jess, s and karin, but ended up going dhoby to help my momma with her blackberry, and meet karin. we walked from dhoby to far east, and took pics, saw lights and crowds. it was funfun with her. suddenly found jin le, xin hua and ping see. hung out with ping see a bit, helping her sell her xmas hairclips, and hung around loads and loads. first time hanging out with karin alone, it was good fun. i saw this awesome pair of heels, they were strappy blacks, looked like the studded black ones i saw at new look, but without the studs. fell in love with them, grawr, hahah, only fifty bux somemore, bleahh, but they're less comfy, but they look so good, but they cant be worn just anywhere, but but but. hahah. i go crazy sometimes. hee.
kay, wtv, just made another list, shall do some stuff tmr, whooshies. omgawddd, SHERLOCK HOLMES. cant wait ((: love the fight scene where he calculates the amount of injury the guy will have in the end, which i thought, was so coolcool, hahah.
ive got loads to do for school, so i shall start soon, tomorrow. 27th dec, i shall stay home, and do everything ive planned for the whole day.
kay, whooshies, nighty nights.
whoopdedoo.
okay, selena gomez can dance in another cinderella story. i like the movie, it's goodgood. 
kay, byebye

the winds have taken flight, ever-changing,
but a base stands here, grounding me down.
my insolence takes over me sometimes,
and i shut everything out when i want to.
but of course, on the other hand,
when i open my ears and heart,
it seems as though water has thoroughly blotted rye.
What matters though, is whether action takes place thereafter.

hear me out
even when i say nothing,
even when i have nothing to say;

just finished packing the big stuff in my room, it took me such a long time to pry the noticeboard off my wall. but it's all good, had a bit of exercise just from that. hahah, went to meet adrian and sards at amk, we were looking for her black long-sleeved shirt, but ended up making that spongebob and patrick sticky thingy, i have no idea what that is. hahah, but it was funfun.i liked today, it was a good day, the kind you wanna keep walking home, but never reach it. i dunno, hahah, i have a description for almost every kind of day, hahah. grawr. my throat hurts really badly, but it's way better than just now, haha. as in now, after like glasses and glasses of warm water, as least i can speak softly in full sentences without breaking off, like just now. hahah. i made a list just now onwhat to do for tonight, and in that list, there was a point that said to make a list for on what to do. that made me laugh, haha. im weird, i know. hahah.

- speech (prepared) - 5mins (word by word writing, what the crapp)
- wilflife conservation speech (impromtu)
- research on family issues research on animal trafficking
- entrep business plan, start everything.

that's bout it for now, i guess, hahah. whooshies. kay, byebye. smilesmile, because the world is watching (: hahah.

last night was hidonky, and today was ridonkulous. happy burfday bro, hope everyone had fun.

okay, so today was a badd day. it got better with maine and adrian, but yeah. just made me realise that ive been making mistakes all along and havent been really listening. well, now, i am, and i guess ive learnt my lesson. im gonna start earlier, because this brain takes longer to process, and im gonna change the way i do this. and definitely love what i do. mm. so yeahh. made a mistake, changing mysself, yet again. today was really productive though,, i was just rattling off to adrian and reciting stuff, and he just watched talk and talk and talk.
got cip on sat morn, grawr, ass student development guyy. so hello, im running with you sunday morning can? hahah, and slow down for me, but dont run behind me, my ass jiggles when i run, HAHA. i dont mind running behind though, hahah. grawr, miss you, hurry get back yo. tomorrow seems like too long a wait, hahah.

my hair looks like an explosion on my head, roarr. hahah, yayy, tmr last paper, then meeting komathi after so super long. (: missed her, like loads and loads, so yeah. mm. still pissed bout today, grawr. charmaine knows very well, hahaha.

changing my ways; now.

She should have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time.
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

- Macbeth

alright day today, or rather, yesterday.
it was fun,
TO BE DONE BY 7AM TODAY.
BMic tutorial 3.2
study world issues.
TO BE DONE BY 12AM TOMORROW.
study cell bio
watch vid and start on entrep learning journal
start business plan
aap tutorial 3

i shall sleep by midnight tomorrow. healthy living yo. hahah. kay, back to work.
chortle.

battle is ringing in my head. these past few days have been alright. got quite a surprise at four plus, wednesday morning(: hahah. i still think you were super cute when i told you my toilet seat was broken, hahah. and my day with jamie was awesome. we got so caught up talking to each other and catching up and all, that we missed a train stop, and kept walking in rounds, hahah. we just walked in the flow of the crowd. watched twilight, gawdd, taylor lautner is so hott. waymee and i were just not satisfied with the ending at all, haha.
just took a break from studying, i studied the whole day today. so yeah, feeling a bit saturated. my back's still a bit wonky, took me some time to get out of bed. part of it was because i was still sleepy lahh, but the other reason was my back, hahah, i cant seem to straighten up properly, rawr. hee, im feeling happy today, hahah. but i realise you're not very photogenic, hahah, you look better in person. :P hahah, rawr. kay, nvm, i think only sards and warmaine know what im talking about. hee. i shall stop smiling to myself. rawr. kay nvm, think of this for whaaat, danya, hrmph, whywhy, just shut up and study you.
sorraye, hahah, a momentary lapse of self thought. bleah. la trobe still hasnt sent me the details via snail mail. everything's not confirmed, and i dont like it this way, rawr, haha. at least if it was a straight yes or no, i can have peace of mind of what my next step will be. now, i dont even know when im going, what im studying, even why im studying for. so yeah, mm, i shall tell soon. i just want a stand first on what's going to happen before i tell, not for others, but rather for my own peace of mind. haha, bleah. i dunno if this is being selfish but yeah, ill have this no other way, haha. only a certain few would get what i mean, so yeah, hahah. rawr.
anywayyy, i think im wayy back in school, and im kinda scared for terms, i dont think im prepared, so yup. hmm, esp aap, dont feel too good bout everything, just want to bawl out my eyes and then get picked up. but somehow it feels too numbing. hahah, in the morning today, my mum told me that i was really strong, out of nowhere. and i was like okayyy. in my head, i was like 'is she mocking me? riight' haha, but i dont really know, i just ignored that statement cause i didnt know how to react, haha. as you can tell, i didnt really ignore it cause it's still in my head for hours, hahah.

dozer's cage, with her smelly woodchips and half-full water bottle has been sitting by my bedside since september 19, and my mum has been telling me to do something about it, but i havent got the heart to. haha. i miss dozer, and the sound of her wheel running in the middle of the night, it used wake me up at night while i was sleeping. now, i cant even sleep. mm.



they say a picture is worth a thousand words, there's five thousand words for you, hahah. i should draw for my essays and reports, they'd be impressed by the number of words i can write, with a few doodles. gawdd, im hilarious, hahah. -_- yesyes, you can stop rolling your eyes now. haha. oh wait, sards, you cant roll your eyes, watch me roll my eyes. HAHA. sorraye mate, im just being annoying. hahah, she's one of the two people i know who cant roll their eyes, hahah, it's okay , i make fun of wanyi too. she cant roll her eyes and pronounces strawberry as chorbelly. hahah, imy, thamwanyi (: kay, wtv, hahah, mm, i shall go do more work. nights.

Cause this is a battle
And it's your final last call
It was a trial, you made a mistake, we know
But why aren't you sorry, why aren't you sorry, why?
This could be better, you used to be happy, try.

much love.

from the post-its of the pink paper:
Bmic
Portfolio
Business Plan
CIP?!
Learning Log

cant wait for thursday, rawr, hahah, i have nothing to look forward to these days. just going with the flow of everything. like somehow, i find simple contentment in little intricacies. hahah, things like being able to still keep in touch with my friends, rawr, hahah. starting to feel the distance alrd, but i guess i really cant help it at this point of time. jaymeewaymee, imy, hahah. and so many others, sards, siv, shaf, shak, kom, cp, wan yi, jess, jill, kelly, karin, pavi, dands, pris, lulu, leste and so many other people who ive lost contact with. gawd, i even miss shauna though i see her the most these days. ah well, soonsoon, once term break starts :P hee, im dying, someone, pick me up. bleahh, haha, kay, byebye, need to study Bmic. Why? cause ive confirmed that there's a lecture quiz tmr, so yayy. im only going to school for two hours tmr, what the crap, hahah, cause there's no practicals tmr. shall go study at starbucks as usual, i guess.
kay, nights yall.

yesyes this song is stuck in my head. rawr, my back is hurting again, feels really compressed, but i guess it'll be okay with time, heh.
whooshies, so glad the week is finally over, just gives me enough time to start over, and get my thoughts and the room more organized. finish a bit of work, and study like crazy. roarr, term tests are in two weeks. TWO WEEKS.
quite frustrated with aap though, hrmph. the only sub that im confident in is hpi. so yes. whooshies to that. today was quite weird, two teachers scolded us, for being too cocky and too loud. cocky, i still dont know why. apparently, vet tech class has the highest marks, but the suckiest e.q. screw that.
but i do admit, we were wayy too loud during lab today, everyone was just hyperactive. and i still cant believe she remarked at me saying that we arent the only ones tired, and she was tired too. the practical woman, so sarcastic. rawr, and i didnt even say that we were tired, what the crap, i was talking to shauna saying that my elisa drawing was RETARDED, not that we were tired, wth. hrmph, it was a small thing lah, but i have no idea why but this is like nagging in my head. rawr. but it was a goodgood day still. luke abraham needs to stop being so hornyyy, hahaha. he was an ass today, he showed that class how to do a blowjob with a lime popsicle. im never looking at green popsicles the same way i used to because of him, rah, haha. during lab, shaun and i were at it again, arguing with each other. super funny, i just kept insisting that everything was his fault, and he kept trying to get into shauna's head. shauna kept doing nonsense, haha. oh and i really like her leggings. haha. rawr.

things to do:
clean my room
organize my thoughts
finally get to doing all the stuff on my pink paper
make icing for lulu
clear my head - wish i could just have a button to empty my recycle bin, hee.
sleep

hmm, sometimes, i try to justify the way i think, and how i feel about things,
and i realise that by my trying to make sense of what im doing, i end up hurting, because i just well, think alot. i read too much into things.
that just means im taking up too much thought and time on trivial matters, when all i need, or rather, all im supposed to think about is my academics. nothing less, nothing more. making that promise to myself defeats the purpose, i guess, because im so used to making exceptions and in a way, disapppointing myself, but hey, at least i keep reminding myself. whooshies, hahah, rawr, im just going a tad bit crazy. wheee. kay, byebye.

yes, well, as the title suggests, my migraines have started again, so im sorry if i get a little woozy and blurer than the usual blur me, because well, my migraines have their effects. it's been quite a long time since i blogged, well, for me it is. everything's been alright. CCN day was okay, alicia, brenda and i washed a few cars in the morning, and we passed over the job and alicia and i went to walk around. met daniel, adrian and sards like at the end of business. got a butterfly on my wrist, i still have most part of it, hahah, think it looks pretty. then sards and i went to marina square to meet shaf and shak. hahah, i really wanna see what shak and sards are gonna wear for prom, i have a feeling shaks gonna look like a winx club fairy :P haha, no lah, but i think it'll suit her. ystd was fine too, i didnt go for cip, darnit, now i have to go look for an alternative, damnnn. and today, i studied the whole way, couldnt sleep much though. it's no doubt im going through crap in my head, like i think too much, but im just glad nothing has affected me as much as i thought it would. just school shit wears me down abit, but okay lah, still can manage, haha. oh yeah, and im starting to get annoyed, that i dont eat as much as i used to, but somehow, im gaining more weight than i used to, argh, screw it. and like sometimes, i just puke stuff out. paunchie's like doing handstands and jiving in my body, and it's not helping at all, haha.
meiko's You & Onions has been ringing in my head the whole day, hahah, rawr, no idea why. i like her voice.
mm, so yeah, ive got so much to do, i think im gonna break, but not yet, i guess, hahah. rawr.
kay, nights.

who am i to dream?
dreams are for fools, they let you down.

Alice: I simply must get through!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Alice: You mean impossible?
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible.

- Alice in Wonderland